In an increasingly disconnected world, a growing movement is reclaiming conversations about death and dying, particularly for communities of colour. Death salons—spaces fostering open dialogue about mortality—are emerging across the United States, allowing individuals to process grief and celebrate life in culturally resonant ways. These gatherings are not just about discussing death; they’re an essential part of understanding how one’s identity, heritage, and values shape their relationship with mortality.
A New Approach to Mortality
In a softly lit room at a Philadelphia cemetery, Nefertiti Moor leads a gathering designed for people of colour, inviting participants to share their experiences with grief and death. “This isn’t counselling or a debate,” Moor clarifies. “It’s a space for freedom.” The discussions reflect a deeper need for safe environments where individuals can explore their cultural associations with dying. Participants grapple with personal losses and the societal pressures surrounding death, as Tasha Johnson, a behavioural health worker, reveals her struggles with desensitisation following multiple bereavements.
Moor, a self-trained death doula, serves as a crucial guide in these conversations. She works primarily with Black and brown individuals, recognising the unique stigmas attached to planning for death within these communities. “In many cases, discussions about death are shrouded in cultural taboos,” she explains. “This often leaves families unprepared during incredibly challenging moments.” By fostering dialogue, Moor aims to dismantle these barriers and encourage families to engage with end-of-life preparations more openly.
Addressing Cultural Stigmas
One of the significant barriers Moor encounters is the financial burden associated with traditional funerals. Many families are unaware of more affordable and environmentally friendly options, such as green burials, which eschew embalming in favour of natural decomposition. By educating families about these alternatives, Moor not only facilitates practical planning but also empowers individuals to embrace their cultural practices surrounding death.
Similarly, in LGBTQ+ spaces, death salons are tailored to address the specific fears of queer and trans individuals, who often face higher rates of violence and discrimination. Kyra Overmier, another death doula, highlights the anxiety many trans people experience regarding misgendering in death. “It’s about honouring who they are and how they wish to be remembered,” she asserts. By creating inclusive spaces, these salons allow participants to connect over shared experiences and anxieties, reinforcing the idea that they are not alone in their fears.
A Journey of Personal Discovery
Moor’s journey to becoming a death doula was deeply personal. After experiencing the stigma surrounding her uncle’s suicide at a young age, she recognised the silence that often surrounds discussions of death. “There was so much fear and avoidance,” she recalls. This early encounter with death ignited her interest in exploring the topic further, leading her to train as a death doula after discovering the work of Alua Arthur, a prominent figure in the death doula movement.
Today, Moor draws from her Trinidadian heritage to illustrate the richness of death practices. In Trinidad, for instance, it is customary for the deceased to be brought home for a nine-day celebration, a practice that fosters community and remembrance. By sharing these cultural rituals with her clients, Moor encourages them to consider how they wish to be remembered, facilitating a deeper understanding of their own beliefs about death.
Community and Connection
Taylor Bell, a fellow death worker in Fort Worth, Texas, shares a poignant story of her mother’s death, which inspired her to pursue a career in death work. “This isn’t a death march; this is a final hurrah,” Bell recalls her mother saying as she curated her own death experience at home. This personal understanding of a “good death”—one that respects an individual’s wishes—fuels Bell’s commitment to providing end-of-life companionship and education.
Bell, alongside Overmier and their colleague Lacy Buynak, co-founded The Art of Dying, aiming to offer support to those navigating the complexities of death and dying. They recently facilitated a queer death cafe, addressing topics like identity and family dynamics in the face of mortality. “We’re allowing space for people to think about what they want to share with their families,” Bell explains.
Why it Matters
The emergence of death salons specifically for marginalised communities represents a vital shift in how society approaches the subject of death. These safe spaces not only provide a platform for individuals to discuss their fears and concerns but also empower them to reclaim their narratives surrounding mortality. By fostering open dialogue, these gatherings dismantle cultural stigmas and encourage a holistic understanding of death as an integral part of the human experience. In doing so, they affirm the importance of community, cultural heritage, and personal identity in shaping how we navigate our final journeys.
