Sondra Gotlieb, the vibrant and audacious wife of former Canadian ambassador Allan Gotlieb, passed away in Toronto on January 21 at the age of 89. She was a remarkable figure in 1980s Washington, where her magnetic personality and sharp wit transformed diplomatic gatherings into lively intellectual salons, attracting a roster of influential guests including Henry Kissinger and Ethel Kennedy.
A Social Force in Power Town
During her husband’s tenure as ambassador from 1981 to 1989, Sondra Gotlieb quickly established herself as a key player in the social and political scene of Washington, D.C. The couple’s residence became known for its sophisticated soirées, where Sondra’s engaging presence often overshadowed the formalities typically associated with diplomatic events. The Wall Street Journal aptly noted that the Gotliebs were “the hottest diplomatic couple in town,” thanks to Sondra’s unique flair and charm.
“While other first ladies offered tea and sympathy, Sondra dished out jabs and jibes,” remarked a profile in a Washington publication at the peak of their prominence. Renowned Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham never missed an opportunity to attend their gatherings, stating, “Of all the embassies I’ve ever been to, the Gotliebs were the only ones to run an intellectual salon.”
A Life of Eccentricity and Wit
Sondra Gotlieb was not just a diplomatic spouse; she was a columnist and novelist whose satirical writings in The Washington Post captured the essence of life among the elite. Her humorous letters, penned as correspondence to a fictional friend named Beverly, narrated the absurdities surrounding Washington’s power players, featuring characters like the “dusty diplomat” Baron Spitte.
The dynamic between Sondra and Allan was often reminiscent of a comedic performance, with Sondra playfully interrupting her husband’s speeches and poking fun at his seriousness. “He worked hard on them, and she would always interrupt,” recalled Patrick Gossage, the embassy’s press secretary. “She had a knack for keeping things lively.”
Her candidness extended to her self-deprecating remarks about her tastes in art, favouring classic works that told stories over modern pieces. “All right, so I like Rockwell better than Rothko,” she quipped in one interview, showcasing her irreverent attitude.
The Slap That Changed Everything
Despite her charm, Sondra Gotlieb’s time in the limelight was marred by controversy. In March 1986, during a dinner party for Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, an altercation with her social secretary led to a public slap that made headlines across North America. The incident sparked discussions about her suitability for her role, with The Globe and Mail publishing an editorial titled “A Costly Slap.”
Reflecting on the incident years later, Sondra downplayed it, claiming it was a minor event overshadowed by the media frenzy. “It wasn’t a big story,” she told the CBC, attributing her stress to her desire to fit into a new dress for the occasion. Nonetheless, the fallout marked a significant decline in her social standing, highlighting the precarious nature of life in the public eye.
A Lasting Legacy
Sondra Anne Kaufman was born in Winnipeg on December 30, 1936, and her early life was marked by a desire to escape the ordinary. After marrying Allan Gotlieb at 18, their partnership blossomed as they navigated the complexities of diplomatic life together. Their marriage lasted 64 years, a testament to their deep bond and mutual support.
Following their time in Washington, the couple settled in Toronto, where Sondra continued to write, often critiquing the affluent society around her. Her wit never dulled, and she maintained a distinct voice that resonated with readers across Canada.
Sondra is survived by her two children, Marc and Rachel, and six grandchildren, leaving behind a legacy of vibrant social engagement and intellectual discourse.
Why it Matters
Sondra Gotlieb’s life reflects the intricate balance of personal ambition and public scrutiny, particularly for women in diplomatic roles. Her ability to cultivate a space for intellectual exchange amidst the formality of diplomatic life redefined what it meant to be a diplomatic spouse. In an era where women’s voices were often muted, Sondra stood out as a bold and witty commentator on the social dynamics of power, leaving an indelible mark on Canadian diplomacy and social culture.
