In a startling revelation, recent data from the charity Refuge has shed light on the significant risk that former partners pose to women who have experienced domestic abuse. A staggering 42% of callers to Refuge identify their ex-partners as their abusers, yet a mere 12% of the general public recognise this alarming reality. As the UK grapples with cases of coercive and controlling behaviour, the findings highlight an urgent need for greater awareness and action.
The Reality of Post-Separation Abuse
Many individuals may not fully understand the dangers that can linger after a relationship has ended. Refuge’s findings are particularly concerning, as they reveal a disconnect between the lived experiences of survivors and public perception. While 71% of adults acknowledge that women are most at risk from someone they know, only a small fraction see ex-partners as potential threats. This lack of recognition can leave many women vulnerable.
Take the experience of Sasha*, who has endured stalking and harassment from her former partner since their separation in 2012. Although they no longer shared a home, her ex would frequently show up uninvited, demanding access to their son, especially during significant occasions. “He would insist on seeing my son, especially on holidays,” Sasha recalled, conveying the emotional strain of her situation.
The Legal Landscape and Its Limitations
The legal framework surrounding domestic abuse has evolved, with coercive control being criminalised in England and Wales in 2015. Further protections were introduced with the Domestic Abuse Act of 2021, which recognised post-separation abuse as a criminal offence, coming into effect in April 2023. However, as Charlotte Eastop, Refuge’s senior operations manager, points out, many instances of post-separation abuse remain unaddressed.
“Victims often feel that their experiences aren’t taken seriously,” Eastop explained. “The police may respond to situations by saying, ‘He just wants to see the kids,’ without recognising the underlying threats.” This perception can lead to a feeling of hopelessness among victims, who may feel trapped in a cycle of control and abuse even after leaving their partners.
The Role of Family Courts
Family courts can frequently become a focal point for continued manipulation. Abusers may exploit court-ordered agreements, bending the rules to maintain control over their former partners. “They may not show up on time or fail to communicate their schedules,” Eastop said, making it challenging for victims to plan their lives around their parenting responsibilities. This form of abuse can alienate victims and further entrench the cycle of control.
Additionally, children can become pawns in these situations. Abusers might use their children to exert influence, thereby perpetuating the trauma experienced by their former partners. Eastop emphasised that while not all cases involve children, the potential for them to be used as tools for manipulation is prevalent.
The Need for Increased Awareness and Training
Despite the criminalisation of post-separation abuse, Eastop insists that more needs to be done to educate police and judicial members about the complexities of these cases. “Legislation takes time to become effective,” she noted. “Separation is often a dangerous time, with a heightened risk of escalation. It’s crucial for law enforcement to understand this and recognise the ongoing threats.”
Many victims, like Sasha, continue to face harassment long after their relationships have ended. For Sasha, the situation intensified when her ex-partner began making alarming threats, including suicide. “When I went to check on him, he was laughing,” she recounted, highlighting the distressing manipulation she endured. “He thought it was funny that I believed he would actually hurt himself.”
Why it Matters
Recognising the reality of post-separation abuse is essential for the safety and well-being of countless women across the UK. As these findings reveal, the perception of danger often falls short of the lived experiences of survivors. By fostering a greater understanding of this issue within society and the legal system, we can help ensure that victims are not left to navigate their trauma alone. Awareness can lead to meaningful change, providing support and protection to those at risk and ultimately dismantling the cycle of abuse that too many still endure.
