In the fast-paced world of modern dating, a new phenomenon has emerged that can leave individuals feeling confused, manipulated, and emotionally drained. “Future faking” is the term used to describe the experience of being promised a fairytale future by the person you’re dating, only to have that dream never materialise.
Digital creator Anastasiia shared her own harrowing tale on Instagram, recounting how her ex-partner had spoken extensively about marriage, children, and their shared vision of the future, even going so far as to visit jewellery stores to inquire about ring sizes. “From the very beginning, we talked about family, marriage, kids. It was not casual – it was constant. We were planning our future together,” she said. However, as time passed, none of these big plans came to fruition, and Anastasiia found herself caught in an “emotional rollercoaster of manipulation” where her partner’s words and actions were completely disconnected.
According to Julie Menanno, a marriage and family therapist and author, this behaviour is often not intentionally malicious. “Most people say these things because they really believe it,” she explains. “They’re not just trying to be manipulative.” The allure of a promising future can be particularly tempting during the initial “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, when two people are deeply attracted to each other and find themselves easily envisioning a shared life.
However, the true test of a relationship’s longevity lies in the ability of the couple to navigate conflict and emotional safety. “If the two of them don’t know how to navigate conflict with emotional safety, then they create what are called negative cycles, where they start communicating with each other in a way that creates a lot of emotional unsafety,” Menanno says.
Attachment styles can also play a significant role in future faking. Those with an avoidant attachment style may find the idea of a committed future appealing, but the reality of it can feel suffocating, leading them to engage in behaviours that allow them to maintain a sense of independence and keep their options open. This can often attract partners with an anxious attachment style, who crave the security and stability that their avoidant counterparts struggle to provide.
To avoid falling victim to future faking, experts recommend looking for concrete evidence of a partner’s commitment, such as tangible steps towards shared goals, and assessing whether their day-to-day actions align with their grand promises. Ultimately, the only way to truly know if you want a future with someone is to get to know them deeply, weathering both the good and the bad times.
